Psalm 27 - for Elul (Part 1)

facing my deepest fear, seeking the courage to love

PSALM 27 – For the courage to love as if… 

My deepest fear?
       The energy illuminating everything
       cannot be seen or named.  
When all I see is reflection and refraction, 
        who am I to be afraid
        of dark or light? 
	of seeing, being seen, or not?

Silence is the mother of all sounds, 
       syllables, names.
When a wisp of breath and unspoken incantation 
       guards the fortress of my life
Who shall I fear?  
Which ‘I’ is the one that worries?

Fear and worry come fast consuming my flesh from within,
       thieving me of ease and joy.
If only they would stumble, topple like the walls of Jericho. 
For now, they have set up camp, settling in,
       starving head of sense 
       and heart of wonder.
If you force upon me this unwanted war,
I will TRUST in this – this mystery 
       of light and sight, hidden forces 
       made visible through refracting masks.
My deepest fear.

NOTE: If you’re following my weekly posts, you’ll notice that this psalm is posted out of order. Last week, was Psalm 19. Why? ‘Tis the season!

This past week we entered a new lunar month. In the Hebrew calendar, its called Elul, the sixth month of the lunar year which anticipates a seventh (sabbatical) month, the first day of which is called Rosh Hashanah, the “head of [a new] year” — a new year for humankind (not moons, or trees, or pets), the onset of the Jewish High Holidays.

Many will be familiar with the new year tradition of gathering together to hear the resonant and stirring sounds of the shofar [ram’s horn] on Rosh Hashanah, and seeking collective forgiveness and atonement on Yom Kippur.

A somewhat lesser know tradition is to set aside time for preparing for those first ten intense days of the seventh month, the “Days of Awe.” How? In addition to the sounding of the shofar through the month of Elul, (and for many Sephardi and Mizrachi communities offering slichot [forgiveness] prayers in the wee hours of the night), an 18th century source (Sefer Shem Tov Katan) recommends the daily recitation of this psalm, Psalm 27, for entirety of the season from the first of Elul through the end of Sukkot, some 52 days straight. Let’s wonder why?

The first part of this translation, pulling no punches, invites practitioners to prepare for the New Year by naming and wrestling with our deepest fears. What are yours? And which part of you feels that fear most profoundly? How is that fear impacting your relationships? [Please share in the comment box.]

In the weeks that follow, we’ll move on to consider our deepest desires and to declare commitments or new year’s resolutions. Let’s together sweeten the coming new year with such profound questions and poetic responses.